While walking down the street one day, a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the MP.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realises it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven."
So 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell. So, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the MP. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club house, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning....
Today you voted."
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
SCIENCE Vs GOD
Interesting perspective on good and evil, life and death, and sight and faith!
The DIFFERENCE - Science and God
"Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ", The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.
"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes, Sir," the student says.
"So, you believe in God?"
"Absolutely"
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good!"
"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"
"Yes"
"Are you good or evil?"
"The Bible says I'm evil"
The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!"
He considers for a moment.
"Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"
"Yes sir, I would."
"So you're good..!"
"I wouldn't say that."
"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't"
The student does not answer, so the professor continues.
"He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmmm? Can you answer that one?"
The student remain silent.
"No, you can't, can you? the professor says.
He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.
"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"
"Er...yes," the student says.
"Is Satan good?"
The student doesn't hesitate on this one, "No."
"Then where does Satan come from?"
The student : "From ...God.."
That's right, God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son, "Is there evil in this world?"
"Yes Sir."
"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"
"Yes"
"So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."
Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues: "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?"
The student: "Yes."
"So who created them?"
The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question.
"Who created them?"
There is still on answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.
"Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"
The student's voice is confident: "Yes, professor, I do."
The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"
"No sir, I've never seen him"
"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"
"No sir, I have not."
"Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"
"No sir, I'm afraid I haven't"
"Yet you still believe in him?"
"Yes"
"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"
"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."
"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."
The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?"
"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."
"And is there such a thing as cold?"
"Yes, son, there's cold too."
"No sir, there isn't"
The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested.
The room suddenly becomes very quiet.
The student begins to explain. "You can have a lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold: otherwise we would be able to go colder that the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458F) is the total absence of heat."
"You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."
Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.
"What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?"
"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"
"You are wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have Nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it?" That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?"
The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him.
This will be a good semester.
"So what point are you making, young man?"
"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."
The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time.
"Flawed? Can you explain how?"
"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it."
"Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"
"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."
"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"
The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realize where the argument is going.
A very good semester, indeed.
"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"
The class is in uproar. The student remain silent until the commotion has subsided.
"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."
The student looks around the room.
"Is there anyone in the class who has even seen the professor's brain?"
The class breaks out into laughter.
"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"
Now the room is silent.. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.
Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."
"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists in life." the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such thing as evil?"
Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."
To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like the darkness and cold, word that man has created to describe the absence of God."
"God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."
The professor sat down.
Pass this on if you have faith in God.
If not, still pass it on for it's a good story!
The DIFFERENCE - Science and God
"Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ", The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.
"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes, Sir," the student says.
"So, you believe in God?"
"Absolutely"
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good!"
"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"
"Yes"
"Are you good or evil?"
"The Bible says I'm evil"
The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!"
He considers for a moment.
"Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"
"Yes sir, I would."
"So you're good..!"
"I wouldn't say that."
"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't"
The student does not answer, so the professor continues.
"He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmmm? Can you answer that one?"
The student remain silent.
"No, you can't, can you? the professor says.
He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.
"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"
"Er...yes," the student says.
"Is Satan good?"
The student doesn't hesitate on this one, "No."
"Then where does Satan come from?"
The student : "From ...God.."
That's right, God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son, "Is there evil in this world?"
"Yes Sir."
"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"
"Yes"
"So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."
Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues: "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?"
The student: "Yes."
"So who created them?"
The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question.
"Who created them?"
There is still on answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.
"Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"
The student's voice is confident: "Yes, professor, I do."
The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"
"No sir, I've never seen him"
"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"
"No sir, I have not."
"Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"
"No sir, I'm afraid I haven't"
"Yet you still believe in him?"
"Yes"
"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"
"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."
"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."
The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?"
"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."
"And is there such a thing as cold?"
"Yes, son, there's cold too."
"No sir, there isn't"
The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested.
The room suddenly becomes very quiet.
The student begins to explain. "You can have a lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold: otherwise we would be able to go colder that the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458F) is the total absence of heat."
"You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."
Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.
"What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?"
"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"
"You are wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have Nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it?" That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?"
The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him.
This will be a good semester.
"So what point are you making, young man?"
"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."
The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time.
"Flawed? Can you explain how?"
"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it."
"Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"
"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."
"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"
The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realize where the argument is going.
A very good semester, indeed.
"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"
The class is in uproar. The student remain silent until the commotion has subsided.
"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."
The student looks around the room.
"Is there anyone in the class who has even seen the professor's brain?"
The class breaks out into laughter.
"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"
Now the room is silent.. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.
Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."
"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists in life." the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such thing as evil?"
Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."
To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like the darkness and cold, word that man has created to describe the absence of God."
"God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."
The professor sat down.
Pass this on if you have faith in God.
If not, still pass it on for it's a good story!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Pretty Girl wants Rich Man
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum :
Title : What should I do to marry a rich man?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.
My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?
I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich person like you?
Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the rich are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (My target now is to get married)
Ms Pretty
AMAZING REPLY
Dear Ms Pretty,
I have read you post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.
My income is more than $500k which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here!
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money". Person A provides beauty, and person B pays for it, fair and square.
However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.
Hence, from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the term we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value drops, we will sell it and it is not good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted.
It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision, any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you.
I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hopes this reply helps... If you are interested in "leasing services, do contact me..
signed
CEO
J.P. Morgan :)
Title : What should I do to marry a rich man?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.
My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?
I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich person like you?
Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the rich are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (My target now is to get married)
Ms Pretty
AMAZING REPLY
Dear Ms Pretty,
I have read you post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.
My income is more than $500k which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here!
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money". Person A provides beauty, and person B pays for it, fair and square.
However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.
Hence, from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the term we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value drops, we will sell it and it is not good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted.
It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision, any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you.
I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hopes this reply helps... If you are interested in "leasing services, do contact me..
signed
CEO
J.P. Morgan :)
Award winning Joke
One Chinese man walked into a bar in America late one and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushed over to him, and asked for his autograph. Instead, Spieberg gives him a slap and says,
"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habor, get out of here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pear Habor, it was the Japanese."
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, your're all the same." replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gave Spielberg a slap and said, "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on the ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replied "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replied, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habor, get out of here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pear Habor, it was the Japanese."
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, your're all the same." replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gave Spielberg a slap and said, "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on the ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replied "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replied, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Man's Logic
A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor, I brought the child into the world with all the pain and labour. The child should be in my custody."
The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating... then slowly rose. "Your Honor...If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi comes out.. Whose Pepsi is it...The machine's or mine?"
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor, I brought the child into the world with all the pain and labour. The child should be in my custody."
The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating... then slowly rose. "Your Honor...If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi comes out.. Whose Pepsi is it...The machine's or mine?"
Poker
Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Kim wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you like under there?" Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.
Kim told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 pm sharp and after paying Kim the agreed sum of $500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.
As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 pm. And upon arriving, asked his wife: "Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat Kim answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"
Kim, using her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."
Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."
Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player!
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you like under there?" Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.
Kim told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 pm sharp and after paying Kim the agreed sum of $500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.
As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 pm. And upon arriving, asked his wife: "Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat Kim answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"
Kim, using her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."
Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."
Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Andy Rooney (CBS)
60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney on how he thinks about women over 40.
As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Woman over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic with age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older woman are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of the women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Woman over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic with age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older woman are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of the women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
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