Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Rather Amusing
Islam Declares: Boycott Jewish Products!
by Adar 3/1/2011
I don't usually post the assorted emails I get, but this one made me smile, so I'm passing it along and taking the evening off.
A short time ago, Arabian speeches at the U.N. urged the Arab World to boycott everything that originates with the Jewish people. In response, Meyer M. Treinkman, a pharmacist, out of the kindness of his heart, offers to assist them in their boycott as follows:
"Any Arab who has Syphilis must not be cured by Salvarsan discovered by a Jew, Dr. Ehrlich. He should not even try to find out whether he has Syphilis, because the Wasserman Test is the discovery of a Jew. If an Arab suspects that he has Gonorrhea, he must not seek diagnosis, because he will be using the method of a Jew named Neissner.
An Arab who has heart disease must not use Digitalis, a discovery by a Jew, Ludwig Traube. Should he suffer with a toothache, he must not use Cocaine, a discovery of the Jews, Widal and Weil. If an Arab has Diabetes, he must not use Insulin, the result of research by Minkowsky, a Jew. If an Arab has a headache, he must shun Pyramidon and Antypyrin, due to the Jews, Spiro and Ellege. Arabs with convulsions must put up with them because it was a Jew, Oscar Leibreich, who proposed the use of Chloral Hydrate. Arabs must do likewise with their psychic ailments because Freud, father of psychoanalysis, was a Jew. Should an Arab chilld get Diptheria, he must refrain from the "Schick" reaction which was invented by the Jew, Bella Schick.
Arabs should be ready to die in great numbers and must not permit treatment of ear and brain damage, work of Nobel Prize winner, Robert Baram. They should continue to die or remain crippled by Infantile Paralysis because the discoverer of the anti-polio vaccine is a Jew, Jonas Salk.
Arabs must refuse to use Streptomycin and continue to die of Tuberculosis because a Jew, Zalman Waxman, invented the wonder drug against this killer disease. Arab doctors must discard all discoveries and improvements by dermatologist Judas Sehn Benedict, or the lung specialist, Frawnkel, and of many other world renowned Jewish scientists and medical experts.
In short, good and loyal Arabs properly and fittingly remain afflicted with Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Heart Disease, Headaches, Typhus, Diabetes, Mential Disorders, Polio, Convulsions and Tuberculosis and be proud to obey the Islamic boycott."
by Adar 3/1/2011
I don't usually post the assorted emails I get, but this one made me smile, so I'm passing it along and taking the evening off.
A short time ago, Arabian speeches at the U.N. urged the Arab World to boycott everything that originates with the Jewish people. In response, Meyer M. Treinkman, a pharmacist, out of the kindness of his heart, offers to assist them in their boycott as follows:
"Any Arab who has Syphilis must not be cured by Salvarsan discovered by a Jew, Dr. Ehrlich. He should not even try to find out whether he has Syphilis, because the Wasserman Test is the discovery of a Jew. If an Arab suspects that he has Gonorrhea, he must not seek diagnosis, because he will be using the method of a Jew named Neissner.
An Arab who has heart disease must not use Digitalis, a discovery by a Jew, Ludwig Traube. Should he suffer with a toothache, he must not use Cocaine, a discovery of the Jews, Widal and Weil. If an Arab has Diabetes, he must not use Insulin, the result of research by Minkowsky, a Jew. If an Arab has a headache, he must shun Pyramidon and Antypyrin, due to the Jews, Spiro and Ellege. Arabs with convulsions must put up with them because it was a Jew, Oscar Leibreich, who proposed the use of Chloral Hydrate. Arabs must do likewise with their psychic ailments because Freud, father of psychoanalysis, was a Jew. Should an Arab chilld get Diptheria, he must refrain from the "Schick" reaction which was invented by the Jew, Bella Schick.
Arabs should be ready to die in great numbers and must not permit treatment of ear and brain damage, work of Nobel Prize winner, Robert Baram. They should continue to die or remain crippled by Infantile Paralysis because the discoverer of the anti-polio vaccine is a Jew, Jonas Salk.
Arabs must refuse to use Streptomycin and continue to die of Tuberculosis because a Jew, Zalman Waxman, invented the wonder drug against this killer disease. Arab doctors must discard all discoveries and improvements by dermatologist Judas Sehn Benedict, or the lung specialist, Frawnkel, and of many other world renowned Jewish scientists and medical experts.
In short, good and loyal Arabs properly and fittingly remain afflicted with Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Heart Disease, Headaches, Typhus, Diabetes, Mential Disorders, Polio, Convulsions and Tuberculosis and be proud to obey the Islamic boycott."
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Pass The Biscuits
When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burnt biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and asked me how my day was at school.
I don't remember what I told him that night; but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burnt biscuits."
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burnt. He wrapped me in his arms and said,"Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides... a burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"
You know, life is full of imperfect things... and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each other's differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing and lasting relationship.
So... please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burnt one will do just fine! And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life... I just did!
Life is too short to wake up with regrets... Love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't.
ENJOY LIFE NOW - IT HAS AN EXPIRATION DATE!
I don't remember what I told him that night; but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burnt biscuits."
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burnt. He wrapped me in his arms and said,"Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides... a burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"
You know, life is full of imperfect things... and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each other's differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing and lasting relationship.
So... please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burnt one will do just fine! And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life... I just did!
Life is too short to wake up with regrets... Love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't.
ENJOY LIFE NOW - IT HAS AN EXPIRATION DATE!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
中央电视台2011年春节联欢晚会【14】魔术《年年有鱼》傅琰东、董卿
Shown live during the Chinese New Year Eve in Beijing.... simply amazing
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Rare Footage
An Amazing clip of Adolf Hitler singing! It's incredible and a miracle that they found this black and white film all these decades later....
Monday, February 14, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
UK Tax Credit Stimulus Payments
Sometimes this year, British taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus'
payment.
This is indeed very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the UK economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China, Taiwan or Sri Lanka.
* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala..
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1) Spending it at car boot sales, or
2) Going to night clubs, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or whisky, or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K.)
Conclusion:
Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night!
payment.
This is indeed very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the UK economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China, Taiwan or Sri Lanka.
* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala..
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1) Spending it at car boot sales, or
2) Going to night clubs, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or whisky, or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K.)
Conclusion:
Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Amazing True Story
This is a true story that had happened in 1892 at Stanford University.
It's moral is still relevant today.
A young, 18 year old student was struggling to pay his fees. He was an orphan, and not knowing where to turn for money, he came up with a bright idea. A friend and he decided to host a musical concert on campus to raise money for their education.
They reached out to the great pianist Ignacy J. Paderewski. His manager demanded a guaranteed fee of $2,000 for the piano recital. A deal was struck. And the boys began to work to make the concert a success.
The big day arrived. Paderewski performed at Stanford. But unfortunately, they had not managed to sell enough tickets. The total collection was only $1,600. Disappointed, they went to Paderewski and explained their plight. They gave him the entire $1,600, plus a cheque for the balance of $400. They promised to honour the cheque soonest possible.
"No" said Paderewski. "This is not acceptable" He tore up the cheque, returned the $1,600 and told the boys "Here's the $1,600. Please deduct whatever expenses you have incurred. Keep the money you need for your fees. And just give me whatever is left" The boys were surprised, and thanked him profusely.
It was a small act of kindness. But it clearly marked out Paderewski as a great human being. Why should he help two people he did not even know? We all come across situations like these in our lives. And most of us only think "If I help them, what would happen to me?"
The truly great people think, "If I don't help them, what will happen to them?" They don't do it expecting something in return. They do it because they feel it's the right thing to do.
Paderewski later went on to become the Prime Minister of Poland. He was a great leader, but unfortunately when the World War began, Poland was ravaged. There were over 1.5 million people starving in his country, and no money to feed them.
Paderewski did not know where to turn for help. He reached out to the US Food and Relief Administration for help.
The head was a man called Herbert Hoover - who later went on to become the US President. Hoover agreed to help and quickly shipped tons of food grains to fee the starving Polish people. A calamity was averted.
Paderewski was relieved. He decided to go across to meet Hoover and personally thank him. When Paderewski began to thank Hoover for his noble gesture, Hoover quickly interjected and said, "You shouldn't be thanking me, Mr. Prime Minister. You may not remember this, but several years ago, you helped two young students go through college in the US. I was one of them."
The world is a wonderful place. What goes around usually comes around.
It's moral is still relevant today.
A young, 18 year old student was struggling to pay his fees. He was an orphan, and not knowing where to turn for money, he came up with a bright idea. A friend and he decided to host a musical concert on campus to raise money for their education.
They reached out to the great pianist Ignacy J. Paderewski. His manager demanded a guaranteed fee of $2,000 for the piano recital. A deal was struck. And the boys began to work to make the concert a success.
The big day arrived. Paderewski performed at Stanford. But unfortunately, they had not managed to sell enough tickets. The total collection was only $1,600. Disappointed, they went to Paderewski and explained their plight. They gave him the entire $1,600, plus a cheque for the balance of $400. They promised to honour the cheque soonest possible.
"No" said Paderewski. "This is not acceptable" He tore up the cheque, returned the $1,600 and told the boys "Here's the $1,600. Please deduct whatever expenses you have incurred. Keep the money you need for your fees. And just give me whatever is left" The boys were surprised, and thanked him profusely.
It was a small act of kindness. But it clearly marked out Paderewski as a great human being. Why should he help two people he did not even know? We all come across situations like these in our lives. And most of us only think "If I help them, what would happen to me?"
The truly great people think, "If I don't help them, what will happen to them?" They don't do it expecting something in return. They do it because they feel it's the right thing to do.
Paderewski later went on to become the Prime Minister of Poland. He was a great leader, but unfortunately when the World War began, Poland was ravaged. There were over 1.5 million people starving in his country, and no money to feed them.
Paderewski did not know where to turn for help. He reached out to the US Food and Relief Administration for help.
The head was a man called Herbert Hoover - who later went on to become the US President. Hoover agreed to help and quickly shipped tons of food grains to fee the starving Polish people. A calamity was averted.
Paderewski was relieved. He decided to go across to meet Hoover and personally thank him. When Paderewski began to thank Hoover for his noble gesture, Hoover quickly interjected and said, "You shouldn't be thanking me, Mr. Prime Minister. You may not remember this, but several years ago, you helped two young students go through college in the US. I was one of them."
The world is a wonderful place. What goes around usually comes around.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Still A Virgin
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a Virgin"
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be"
"Husband #2 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up"
"Husband #3 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me"
"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver"
"Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method"
"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not"
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it..."
"Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it"
"Husband #9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it"
"Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was lick it... God I miss him"
"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited"
"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?"
"You're with the GOVERNMENT. This time I KNOW I"M gonna get SCREWED."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be"
"Husband #2 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up"
"Husband #3 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me"
"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver"
"Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method"
"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not"
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it..."
"Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it"
"Husband #9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it"
"Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was lick it... God I miss him"
"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited"
"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?"
"You're with the GOVERNMENT. This time I KNOW I"M gonna get SCREWED."
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Life's Tough When You're Stupid
A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.
The professor tells the class "In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possesses as a doctor - the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstances, be disgusted by anything involving an animal's body."
For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow's butt, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just stand there, paralyzed at what they see. "Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you." the professor says.
Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson...
"Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow's butt, and I sucked on my index finger... Now, learn to pay attention."
The moral: Life's tough, but it's even tougher when you're stupid.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
The Polite Way to Call Someone a Bastard
A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
The were even after the first two holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?". The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighbouring course and like to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was a Parish Priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation....
And, if you can bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them."
The were even after the first two holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?". The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighbouring course and like to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was a Parish Priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation....
And, if you can bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them."
Saturday, January 1, 2011
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