Motivation

Good Advice

2011-11-15T14:16:00.002+08:00

That's what I call talent

2011-05-31T22:34:00.000+08:00

Flying TrapezeAerial Voltige

2011-05-08T07:48:00.000+08:00

Man Paint with his Penis

2011-03-27T16:52:00.002+08:00

Rather Amusing

2011-03-27T15:42:00.000+08:00

Islam Declares: Boycott Jewish Products!
by Adar 3/1/2011

I don't usually post the assorted emails I get, but this one made me smile, so I'm passing it along and taking the evening off.

A short time ago, Arabian speeches at the U.N. urged the Arab World to boycott everything that originates with the Jewish people. In response, Meyer M. Treinkman, a pharmacist, out of the kindness of his heart, offers to assist them in their boycott as follows:

"Any Arab who has Syphilis must not be cured by Salvarsan discovered by a Jew, Dr. Ehrlich. He should not even try to find out whether he has Syphilis, because the Wasserman Test is the discovery of a Jew. If an Arab suspects that he has Gonorrhea, he must not seek diagnosis, because he will be using the method of a Jew named Neissner.

An Arab who has heart disease must not use Digitalis, a discovery by a Jew, Ludwig Traube. Should he suffer with a toothache, he must not use Cocaine, a discovery of the Jews, Widal and Weil. If an Arab has Diabetes, he must not use Insulin, the result of research by Minkowsky, a Jew. If an Arab has a headache, he must shun Pyramidon and Antypyrin, due to the Jews, Spiro and Ellege. Arabs with convulsions must put up with them because it was a Jew, Oscar Leibreich, who proposed the use of Chloral Hydrate. Arabs must do likewise with their psychic ailments because Freud, father of psychoanalysis, was a Jew. Should an Arab chilld get Diptheria, he must refrain from the "Schick" reaction which was invented by the Jew, Bella Schick.

Arabs should be ready to die in great numbers and must not permit treatment of ear and brain damage, work of Nobel Prize winner, Robert Baram. They should continue to die or remain crippled by Infantile Paralysis because the discoverer of the anti-polio vaccine is a Jew, Jonas Salk.

Arabs must refuse to use Streptomycin and continue to die of Tuberculosis because a Jew, Zalman Waxman, invented the wonder drug against this killer disease. Arab doctors must discard all discoveries and improvements by dermatologist Judas Sehn Benedict, or the lung specialist, Frawnkel, and of many other world renowned Jewish scientists and medical experts.

In short, good and loyal Arabs properly and fittingly remain afflicted with Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Heart Disease, Headaches, Typhus, Diabetes, Mential Disorders, Polio, Convulsions and Tuberculosis and be proud to obey the Islamic boycott."

Cheap Flights with subtitles

2011-03-22T20:52:00.000+08:00

Pass The Biscuits

2011-03-20T16:42:00.002+08:00

When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burnt biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and asked me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night; but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burnt biscuits."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burnt. He wrapped me in his arms and said,"Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides... a burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"

You know, life is full of imperfect things... and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each other's differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing and lasting relationship.

So... please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burnt one will do just fine! And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life... I just did!

Life is too short to wake up with regrets... Love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't.

ENJOY LIFE NOW - IT HAS AN EXPIRATION DATE!

Duo MainTenanT - Benissimo

2011-03-17T22:21:00.000+08:00

A Day Made of Glass... Made possible by Corning.

2011-03-07T20:45:00.000+08:00

高清版《清明上河圖》 River of Wisdom (HD)

2011-02-19T14:42:00.000+08:00

Alegria Hula Hoops, Cirque du Soleil

2011-02-19T13:57:00.000+08:00

中央电视台2011年春节联欢晚会【14】魔术《年年有鱼》傅琰东、董卿

2011-02-17T22:17:00.001+08:00

Shown live during the Chinese New Year Eve in Beijing.... simply amazing

Rare Footage

2011-02-15T23:05:00.003+08:00

An Amazing clip of Adolf Hitler singing! It's incredible and a miracle that they found this black and white film all these decades later....

Iya Traore - Amazing Football Skill

2011-02-14T22:55:00.000+08:00

Tony Melendez - Playing the Guitar without Hands

2011-02-14T22:08:00.001+08:00

What an Inspiration!

Idiots Award

2011-02-13T21:45:00.006+08:00

Stunts that you should not try.

All the Best for this Rabbit Year

2011-02-05T00:27:00.001+08:00

If you think you can dance

2011-01-24T21:36:00.003+08:00

UK Tax Credit Stimulus Payments

2011-01-16T14:24:00.002+08:00

Sometimes this year, British taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus'
payment.

This is indeed very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?

A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the UK economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China, Taiwan or Sri Lanka.

* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala..

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

1) Spending it at car boot sales, or

2) Going to night clubs, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or whisky, or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K.)

Conclusion:

Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night!

Amazing True Story

2011-01-13T22:57:00.003+08:00

This is a true story that had happened in 1892 at Stanford University.
It's moral is still relevant today.

A young, 18 year old student was struggling to pay his fees. He was an orphan, and not knowing where to turn for money, he came up with a bright idea. A friend and he decided to host a musical concert on campus to raise money for their education.

They reached out to the great pianist Ignacy J. Paderewski. His manager demanded a guaranteed fee of $2,000 for the piano recital. A deal was struck. And the boys began to work to make the concert a success.

The big day arrived. Paderewski performed at Stanford. But unfortunately, they had not managed to sell enough tickets. The total collection was only $1,600. Disappointed, they went to Paderewski and explained their plight. They gave him the entire $1,600, plus a cheque for the balance of $400. They promised to honour the cheque soonest possible.

"No" said Paderewski. "This is not acceptable" He tore up the cheque, returned the $1,600 and told the boys "Here's the $1,600. Please deduct whatever expenses you have incurred. Keep the money you need for your fees. And just give me whatever is left" The boys were surprised, and thanked him profusely.

It was a small act of kindness. But it clearly marked out Paderewski as a great human being. Why should he help two people he did not even know? We all come across situations like these in our lives. And most of us only think "If I help them, what would happen to me?"

The truly great people think, "If I don't help them, what will happen to them?" They don't do it expecting something in return. They do it because they feel it's the right thing to do.

Paderewski later went on to become the Prime Minister of Poland. He was a great leader, but unfortunately when the World War began, Poland was ravaged. There were over 1.5 million people starving in his country, and no money to feed them.

Paderewski did not know where to turn for help. He reached out to the US Food and Relief Administration for help.

The head was a man called Herbert Hoover - who later went on to become the US President. Hoover agreed to help and quickly shipped tons of food grains to fee the starving Polish people. A calamity was averted.

Paderewski was relieved. He decided to go across to meet Hoover and personally thank him. When Paderewski began to thank Hoover for his noble gesture, Hoover quickly interjected and said, "You shouldn't be thanking me, Mr. Prime Minister. You may not remember this, but several years ago, you helped two young students go through college in the US. I was one of them."

The world is a wonderful place. What goes around usually comes around.

Still A Virgin

2011-01-11T22:23:00.002+08:00

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a Virgin"

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be"

"Husband #2 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up"

"Husband #3 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me"

"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver"

"Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method"

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not"

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it..."

"Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it"

"Husband #9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it"

"Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was lick it... God I miss him"

"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited"

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?"

"You're with the GOVERNMENT. This time I KNOW I"M gonna get SCREWED."

Life's Tough When You're Stupid

2011-01-05T22:19:00.003+08:00

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.

The professor tells the class "In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possesses as a doctor - the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstances, be disgusted by anything involving an animal's body."

For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow's butt, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just stand there, paralyzed at what they see. "Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you." the professor says.

Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson...

"Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow's butt, and I sucked on my index finger... Now, learn to pay attention."

The moral: Life's tough, but it's even tougher when you're stupid.

The Polite Way to Call Someone a Bastard

2011-01-04T16:25:00.002+08:00

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

The were even after the first two holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?". The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighbouring course and like to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was a Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation....
And, if you can bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them."

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!

2011-01-01T09:08:00.001+08:00

Student Vs Professor

2010-12-31T23:54:00.000+08:00

After having failed his exam in "Losgistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I'm"

Student: "Then I would like to ask you a question, if you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as it is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you to give me an "A" for the exam."

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best students and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal nor logical"

Best Lawyer Story

2010-12-31T23:15:00.000+08:00

Charlotte, North Carolina

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued.. And WON!

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars in the "fires".

NOW FOR THE BEST PART

After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Award Contest. (I'm not too sure about it)

ONLY IN AMERICA!

The Wine Taster

2010-12-31T21:49:00.000+08:00

In an alcohol factory, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.

The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.

They tested him.

They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."

"That's right" said the boss.

Another glass.

"It's red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels."

"Correct."

The director was astonished.

He winked at his secretary to suggest something.

She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.

"It's a Blondie, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. And if you don't give me the job, I'll tell who the father is!"

Wonderful!

2010-12-30T11:23:00.003+08:00

Left CLick to Enlarge.

Complete and Finished

2010-12-28T22:06:00.000+08:00

Peope said there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED...

But there is, when you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE...

And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED...

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are... COMPLETELY FINISHED

Porcupine Vs Pit Bull

2010-03-09T12:19:00.000+08:00

A pit bull was in his courtyard in Southern California, minding his own business, when a porcupine invaded his territory. The brave but stupid pit bull immediately challenges the porcupine!

Bad decision... The porcupine won this short contest.

A vet sedated the dog and then removed a total of 1,347 quills. The dog survived, and has hopefully, learned a valuable lesson.

Now, tell me you had a bad day!!

English Lesson - The "F" word

2010-03-07T16:58:00.000+08:00

African Roulette

2010-03-07T16:29:00.000+08:00

The foreign minister of a small African state had the opportunity to visit Russia for the very first time. There he was warmly welcomed by his Russian counterpart, who wined and dined him and generally offered him the best hospitality that Russia could offer.

On his last day, the Russian foreign minster took the African foreign minister into a room with a table on which lay a revolver. "My comrade, since you are about to leave, I must introduce you to a custom we have here in Russia, something called the Russian Roulette. It is a true test of manhood and worth, and how it works is that you must take the revolver, spin the cylinder, hold the revolver to your head and then pull the trigger. Only one of the six chambers it loaded."

The African leader, being of proud warrior stock and a courageous man, took the revolver, spun the cylinder, snapped it shut, pointed it at his head and sighed with relief when all he heard was "click", but no shot.

Well impressed with his bravery, he and the Russian drank vodka until the African leader had to be carried aboard his plane.

Six months later the Russian foreign minister visits the African foreign minister's country. The African, remembering keenly the Russian Roulette he had to play previously, took the Russian into a room on the last day of his visit. In the room were six beautiful, naked young women.

"To prove your courage and manhood, see before you six of the most beautiful women from each of our tribes. This is something I call "African Roulette". You may pick any one of them and they will give you a blowjob."

The Russian, not too averse to this idea at all, asks the African, "But where is the risk?" To be called Roulette, there must be some form of risk involved."

The African smiles broadly. "One of the six is a Cannibal."

The Old Motor

2010-03-07T16:14:00.001+08:00

The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town.

After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.

The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said,

"This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"

The old man grinned and said, "You got to keep the old motor running."

The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child.

The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman.

She Said, "Sir, you are something! How do you manage it?"

The old man grinned and said, "You gotta keep the old motor running."

A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.

The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, "Well, you surely are something awesome! How do you do it?"

The old man replied, "It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running."

The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: "Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one is black!"

Why men shouldn't write advice columns

2010-03-07T15:35:00.000+08:00

Dear John,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled, and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour's daughter!

I'm 32, my husband 34 and the neighbour's daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair for the past six months. He won't go to counseling, and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila
--------

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,

John.

- Forwarded by Steve Sanderson, Gilbert, S.C.

Making a Baby

2010-03-07T14:57:00.000+08:00

This is hilarious! There is not one dirty word in it, and it's funny! --

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,

"Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door to door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed. "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat!."

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well. Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!", grasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work, a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and Out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.

"This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well.. when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, here eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached, I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh..equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted

The Hardest Thing to Break!

2010-03-07T14:32:00.000+08:00

What is the hardest thing to break???

Diamonds are hard to find but not hard to break.

What is the hardest thing to break then?

The answer is HABIT!

If you break the H, you still have A BIT.
If you break the A, you still have BIT
If you break the B, you still have IT!
Hey, after you break the T in IT, there is still the "I".

And the "I" is the root cause of all the problems. Isn't it right?!

Now you know why HABIT is so hard to break...

Always Ask, Never Assume !!

2010-02-08T13:14:00.000+08:00

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside the hangar.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, "Let's go."

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, "Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm a photographer for CNN", he responded, "and I need to go get some close up shots."

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, "So, what you're telling me, is..... you're not my flight instructor?"

Politically Correct

2009-11-30T15:04:00.000+08:00

While walking down the street one day, a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the MP.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realises it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell. So, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the MP. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club house, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning....

Today you voted."

SCIENCE Vs GOD

2009-11-22T20:30:00.000+08:00

Interesting perspective on good and evil, life and death, and sight and faith!

The DIFFERENCE - Science and God

"Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ", The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes, Sir," the student says.

"So, you believe in God?"

"Absolutely"

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good!"

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes"

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil"

The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!"

He considers for a moment.

"Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"

"Yes sir, I would."

"So you're good..!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't"

The student does not answer, so the professor continues.

"He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmmm? Can you answer that one?"

The student remain silent.

"No, you can't, can you? the professor says.

He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"

"Er...yes," the student says.

"Is Satan good?"

The student doesn't hesitate on this one, "No."

"Then where does Satan come from?"

The student : "From ...God.."

That's right, God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son, "Is there evil in this world?"

"Yes Sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"

"Yes"

"So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues: "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?"

The student: "Yes."

"So who created them?"

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question.

"Who created them?"

There is still on answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.

"Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice is confident: "Yes, professor, I do."

The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"

"No sir, I've never seen him"

"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"

"No sir, I have not."

"Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"

"No sir, I'm afraid I haven't"

"Yet you still believe in him?"

"Yes"

"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"

"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."

"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."

"And is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No sir, there isn't"

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested.

The room suddenly becomes very quiet.

The student begins to explain. "You can have a lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold: otherwise we would be able to go colder that the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458F) is the total absence of heat."

"You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

"What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?"

"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"

"You are wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have Nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it?" That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?"

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him.

This will be a good semester.

"So what point are you making, young man?"

"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time.

"Flawed? Can you explain how?"

"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it."

"Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realize where the argument is going.

A very good semester, indeed.

"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"

The class is in uproar. The student remain silent until the commotion has subsided.

"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."

The student looks around the room.

"Is there anyone in the class who has even seen the professor's brain?"

The class breaks out into laughter.

"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"

Now the room is silent.. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."

"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists in life." the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such thing as evil?"

Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like the darkness and cold, word that man has created to describe the absence of God."

"God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

Pass this on if you have faith in God.

If not, still pass it on for it's a good story!

Pretty Girl wants Rich Man

2009-11-19T10:27:00.000+08:00

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum :

Title : What should I do to marry a rich man?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.

My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?

I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich person like you?

Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)

2) Which age group should I target?

3) Why most wives of the rich are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (My target now is to get married)

Ms Pretty

AMAZING REPLY

Dear Ms Pretty,

I have read you post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.

My income is more than $500k which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here!

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money". Person A provides beauty, and person B pays for it, fair and square.

However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.

Hence, from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the term we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value drops, we will sell it and it is not good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted.

It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision, any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you.

I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hopes this reply helps... If you are interested in "leasing services, do contact me..

signed

CEO

J.P. Morgan :)

Award winning Joke

2009-11-19T09:48:00.000+08:00

One Chinese man walked into a bar in America late one and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushed over to him, and asked for his autograph. Instead, Spieberg gives him a slap and says,

"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habor, get out of here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pear Habor, it was the Japanese."

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, your're all the same." replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gave Spielberg a slap and said, "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on the ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replied "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replied, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Man's Logic

2009-11-15T20:16:00.000+08:00

A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.

The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor, I brought the child into the world with all the pain and labour. The child should be in my custody."

The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to say in your defense?"

The man sat for a while contemplating... then slowly rose. "Your Honor...If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi comes out.. Whose Pepsi is it...The machine's or mine?"

Poker

2009-11-15T19:55:00.000+08:00

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Kim wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you like under there?" Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.

Kim told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 pm sharp and after paying Kim the agreed sum of $500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.

As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 pm. And upon arriving, asked his wife: "Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat Kim answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

Kim, using her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player!

Andy Rooney (CBS)

2009-11-03T12:26:00.000+08:00

60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney on how he thinks about women over 40.

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Woman over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic with age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older woman are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of the women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Classic Dancer - The Beggar

2009-10-30T13:56:00.000+08:00

Stress Management

2009-10-30T12:15:00.000+08:00

A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance."

"In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."
He continued, "And that's the way it's with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden." "So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can."

So, my friend, put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

Accept that some days you're are the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Always wear stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others....

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Dead Duck

2009-10-30T11:33:00.000+08:00

A woman brought a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon.

As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure...The duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook his head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, But with the Lab report and the Cat scan, it's now $150."

Balance Sheet of Life

2009-10-29T21:10:00.000+08:00

Our Birth is our Opening Balance
Our Death is our Closing Balance

Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets

Heart is our Current Asset
Brain is our Fixed Deposit

Thinking is our Current Account
Achievements are our Capital

Character & Morals, our Stock-in-trade
Friends are our General Reserves

Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill
Patience is our Interest Earned

Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues

Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment

Experience is our Premium Account
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.

Sleep?

2009-10-21T22:26:00.000+08:00

Shoes?

2009-10-21T22:24:00.000+08:00

Bored of the same game?

2009-10-21T22:14:00.000+08:00

Does your parents care tire you?

2009-10-21T22:10:00.001+08:00

Hate Vegies?

2009-10-21T22:08:00.000+08:00

Does studying annoy you?

2009-10-21T21:57:00.000+08:00

If your society is unfair to you, how about her?

2009-10-21T21:52:00.000+08:00

If you complain about your transport system, how about them?

2009-10-21T21:50:00.000+08:00

If you think you suffer in life, do you suffer as much as he does?

2009-10-21T21:48:00.000+08:00

When you feel like giving up, think of this man

2009-10-21T21:47:00.001+08:00

If you think you don't have friends.....

2009-10-21T21:45:00.000+08:00

If you think your salary is low, how about her?

2009-10-21T21:41:00.000+08:00

If you think you are unhappy, look at them.

2009-10-21T21:36:00.000+08:00

Chinese Swan Lake

2009-10-13T21:21:00.000+08:00

Square Testicles!!!

2009-10-13T15:53:00.000+08:00

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000".

The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman Replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." "No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged that the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happly to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

Now this is what I call making sense!

2009-10-13T15:17:00.000+08:00

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...
And those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,
Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 litre of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. Coli) - bacteria
Found in feces.

However,
We don NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process
Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of shit.

This Guy is Fantastic!

2009-10-01T22:02:00.000+08:00

Using Arm to Fish

2009-10-01T21:49:00.000+08:00

CHANGE

2009-09-20T18:22:00.000+08:00

By changing your Thinking,
You change your Beliefs;

When you change your Beliefs,
You change your Expectations;

When you change your Expectations,
You change your Attitude;

When you change your Attitude,
You change your Behaviour;

When you change your Behaviour,
Your change your Performance;

When you change your Performance,
You change your Life!

4 Wives

2009-09-13T15:39:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time there was a rich King who had four wives.

He loved the 4th wife the most and adored her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off to neighbouring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.

He also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem, he could confide in her, and she would help him get through the difficult times.

The King's 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdowm. However, he did not love the first wife. Although she loved him deeply he hardly took notice of her!

One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short. He thought of his luxurious life and wondered, 'I now have four wives with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.'

Thus he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"

"No way!" replied the 4th wife, and she walked away without another word.

Her answered cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.

The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, "I loved you all my life, Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me campany?"

"No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to remarry!"

His heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?"

"I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can walk with you to your grave."

Her answer struck him like a bolt of lightning, and the King was devastated.

Then a voice called out: "I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go."

The King looked up, and there was his first wife. She was very skinny as she suffered from malnutrition and neglect.

Greatly grieved, the King said, "I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!"

In truth, we all have the 4 wives in our lives:

Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it will leave us when we die.

Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, it will go to others.

Our 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

And our 1st wife is our Soul. Often, we had neglected it in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.

However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us where ever we go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of us that will follow us to the throne of GOD and continue with us throughout Eternity.

Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.

Crazy does not equal to Stupid

2009-09-11T20:34:00.000+08:00

A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH (Institute of Mental Health)

He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.

When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.. As he could not fish the bolts out, he started to panic.

A patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there was nothing much he could do; he told the patient the whole incident.

The patient laughed at him and said "can't even fix such a simple problem.... no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."

"Here's what you can do, take on bolt each form the other three tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that."

The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?"

Patient replied "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy...... not STUPID!"

New Story of the Hare and Tortoise

2009-09-06T15:14:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, a tortoise and a hare had an argument about who was faster. They decided to settle the argument with a race. They agreed on a route and started off the race.

The hare shot ahead and ran briskly for some time. Then seeing that he was far ahead of the tortoise, he thought he'd sit under a tree for some time and relax before continuing the race.

He sat under the tree and soon fell asleep. The tortoise plodding on overtook him and soon finished the race, emerging as the undisputed champ.

The hare woke up and realised that he'd lost the race. The moral of the story is the SLOW AND STEADY WIN THE RACE.

This is the version of the story that we've all grown up with.

But then recently, someone told me a more interesting version of this story. It continues.

The hare was disappointed at losing the race and he did some Defect Prevention (Root Cause Analysis). He realised that he'd lost the race only because he had been overconfident, careless and lax.

If he had not taken things for granted, there's no way the tortoise could have beaten him. So he challenged the tortoise to another race. The tortoise agreed.

This time, the hare went all out and ran without stopping from start to finished. He won by several miles.

The moral of the story? FAST AND CONSISTENT WILL ALWAYS BEAT THE SLOW AND STEADY.

If you have two people in your organisation, one slow, methodical and reliable, and the other fast and still reliable at what he does, the fast and reliable chap will consistently climb the organisation ladder faster than the slow, methodical chap.

It's good to be slow and steady; but it's better to be fast and reliable.

But the story doesn't end here. The tortoise did some thinking this time, and realised that there's no way he can beat the hare in a race the way it was currently formatted.

He thought for a while, and then challenged the hare to another race, but on a slightly different route.

The hare agreed. They started off. In keeping with his self-made commitment to be consistently fast, the hare took off and ran at top speed until he came to a broad river.

The finishing line was a couple of kilometers on the other side of the river.

The hare sat there wondering what to do. In the meantime, the tortoise trundled along, got into the river, swam to the opposite bank, continued walking and finished the race.

The moral of the story? First identify your core competency and then change the playing field to suit your core competency.

In an organisation, if you are a good speaker, make sure you create opportunities to give presentations that enable the senior management to notice you.

If your strength is analysis, make sure you do some sort of research, make a report and send it upstairs. Working to your strengths will not only get you noticed but will also create opportunities for growth and advancement.

The story still hasn't ended.

The hare and the tortoise, by this time, had become pretty good friends and they did some thinking together. Both realised that the race could have been run much better.

So they decided to do the last race again, but to run as a team this time.

They started off, and this time the hare carried the tortoise till the riverbank. There, the tortoise took over and swam across with the hare on his back.

On the opposite bank, the hare again carried the tortoise and they reached the finishing line together. They both felt a greater sense fo satisfaction than they'd felt earlier.

The moral of the story? It's good to be individually brilliant and to have a strong core competencies; but unless you're able to work in a team and harness each other's core competencies, you'll always perform below par because there will always be situations at which you'll do poorly and someone else does well.

Teamwork is mainly about situational leadership, letting the person with the relevant core competency for a situation take leadership.

There are more lessons to be learnt from this story.

Note that neither the hare nor the tortoise gave up after failures. The hare decided to work harder and put in more effort after his failure.

The tortoise changed his strategy because he was already working as hard as he could. In life, when faced with failure, sometimes it is appropriate to work harder and put in more effort.

Sometimes it is appropriate to change strategy and try something different. And sometimes it is apporpriate to do both.

The hare and the tortoise also learnt another vital lesson. When we stop competing against a rival and instead start competing against the situation, we perform far better.

When Roberto Goizueta took over as CEO of Coca-Cola in the 1980's, he was faced with intense competition from Pepsi that was eating into Coke's growth.

His executives were Pepsi-focussed and intent on increasing market share 0.1 per cent a time.

Goizueta decided to stop competing against Pepsi and instead compete against the situation of 0.1 per cent growth.

He asked his executives what was the average fluid intake of an American per day? The answer was 14 ounces. What was Coke's share of that? Two ounces. Goizueta said Coke needed a larger share of that market.

The competition wasn't Pepsi. It was the water, tea, coffee, milk and fruit juices that went into the remaining 12 ounces. The public should reach for a Coke whenever they felt like drinking something.

To this end, Coke put up vending machines at every street corner. Sales took a quantum jump and Pepsi has never quite caught up since.

To sum up, the story of the hare and tortoise teaches us many things.

Important lessons are:

fast and consistent always beat slow and steady;

work to your competencies;

pooling resources and working as a team will always beat individual performers;

never give up when faced with failure;

and finally, compete against the situation. NOT against a rival.

by CAC Management Consultants International

Forgot to live

2009-09-03T11:16:00.000+08:00

Used vs Loved

2009-08-23T16:12:00.000+08:00

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 year old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car.

In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father.... with painful eyes he asked, "Dad, when will my fingers grow back?"

The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions..... sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written

"LOVE YOU DAD"

The next day that man committed suicide....

Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life...

Things are to be used and people are to be loved. The problem in today's world is that, people are used and things are loved....

During this year, let's be careful to keep this thought in mind:

Things are to be used, but People are to be loved.....

AGE!!!

2009-08-23T16:02:00.000+08:00

An old man goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra

"Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?"

"I can cut them for you," said Dan the pharmacist "But a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection."

"I am 96" said the old man. "I don't want an erection. I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't piss on my slippers."

How much do you love your mother?

2009-08-22T19:33:00.000+08:00

My Mom only had one eye, I hated her...
She was such an embarrassment.
She cooked for students & teachers to support the family.

There was this one day during elementary school where mom came to say Hello to me.
I was so embarrassed.
How could she do this to me?
I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.

The next day at school one of my classmates said, "EEEE, your mom only has one eye!"

I also wanted my mom to just disappear..
I confronted her that day and said, "If you're only goanna make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die?"

My mom did not respond....
I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger.
I was oblivious to her feelings.

I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her.
So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.

Then, I got married.
I bought a house of my own.
I had kids of my own.
I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts.

Then one day, my Mother came to visit me.
She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her grandchildren.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited.
I screamed at her, "How dare you come to my house and scare my children!"

"GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!!"

And to this, my mother quietly answered, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address."
And she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house.
I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip.

After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.
My neighbours said that she died.
I did not shed a single tear.
They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

"My dearest son,

I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house and scared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.

You see....... when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine.

I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.

With all my love to you,
Your mother.

Always tell someone that you love them because you never know what day will be their last, or your own.

Always seek to resolve your problems or disagreements with loved ones because if either of you should pass on before, the one who is left alive will have the rest of their life to ponder those unresolved feelings but will never find closure. And closure usually brings Peace.....

A Quiet Sermon

2009-08-20T13:21:00.000+08:00

A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit him.

It was a chilly evening. The pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire. Guessing the reasons for his pastor's visit, the man welcome him, led him to a comfortable chair near the fireplace and waited.

The pastor made himself at home but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning logs. After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side fo the hearth all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent. The host watched all this in quiet contemplation. As the one lone ember's flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow and then it's fire was no more. Soon it was cold and dead.

Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. The pastor glanced at his watch and realized it was time to leave. He slowly stood up, picked up the cold dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow, once more with light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said with a tear running down his cheek: "Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday"

We live in a world today, which tries to say too much with too little. Consequently, few listen. Sometimes the best sermons are the ones left unspoken.

The Mayonnaise Jar

2009-08-15T12:55:00.000+08:00

When things in your life seem,
Almost too much to handle,
When 24 hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise Jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students,If the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again, If the jar was full.
They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded
With an unanimous 'yes'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table
And poured the entire contents into the jar,
effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

'Now' said the professor, as the laughter subsided
"I want you to recognise that this jar represent your life,
The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children,
health, friends and favourite passions -
Things that if everything else was lost
And only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter,
Like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everthing else -
The small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," He continued,
"there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are
Important to you.

So....

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time
To clean the house and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first -
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand
And inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
"I'm glad you asked"

"It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

The Meaning of Life

2009-08-02T21:42:00.000+08:00

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You've got the deal."

So, that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the next ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you :-)

The frog story

2009-08-02T21:01:00.000+08:00

There once was a bunch of tiny frogs,....... who arranged a running competition.

The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants.....

The race began...

Honestly

No one in the crowd, really believed that, the tiny frog would reach the top of the tower.........

You heard statements such as: "Oh, WAY too difficult! They will NEVER make it to the top."

OR

"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"

The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one........

...Except for those who in a fresh tempo were climbing higher and higher...

The crowd continued to yell

"It's too difficult!!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up...

But ONE continued higher and higher and higher...

This one wouldn't give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower.

Except for the one tiny frog who after a big effort was the only one who reached the top!

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?

A Contestant asked the tiny frog how the one who succeeded had found the strength to reach the goal?

It turned out....

That the winner was

DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is:

Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic.....

because, they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you. The ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power which words have.

Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions!

Therefore...

Always be POSITIVE

And above all:

Be DEAF when people tell YOU that YOU cannot fulfil YOUR dreams!

Always think:

I CAN DO THIS!

Warren Buffet

2009-08-02T20:36:00.000+08:00

There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second riches man who has donated US$31 billion to charity. Here are some very interesting aspects of his life:

1. He bought his first share at age 11 and now he regrets that he started too late!

2. He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.

3. He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha, that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.

4. He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.

5. He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company.

6. his company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis... He has given his CEO's only two rules. Rule number 1: do not lose any of your shareholder's money. Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.

7. He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch Television.

8. Bill Gates, the world riches man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half an hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.

9. Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk.

His advice to young people: "Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself and Remember:

a) Money doesn't create man but it is man who created money.

b) Live your life as simple as you are.

c) Don't do what others say, just listen to them, but do what you feel good.

d) Don't go on brand name; just wear those things in which you feel comfortable.

e) Don't waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on them who really in need rather.

f) After all it's your life then why give chance to others to rule your life.

Giving when it counts...

2009-08-02T20:04:00.000+08:00

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.

The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the colour returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?"

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her but he had chosen to save her anyway.

The obstacle in our path

2009-08-02T19:55:00.000+08:00

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the King's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Than a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded.

After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand.

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

Always remember those who serve

2009-08-02T19:45:00.000+08:00

In the days when an ice-cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents." replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

"Thiry-five cents." she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream." he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walk away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table.

There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and 5 pennies...The boy took the plain ice cream instead of a Sundae so he could leave a tip for her.

Pickup in the Rain

2009-08-02T19:36:00.000+08:00

One night, at 11.30 pm, an old African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 60's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.

Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console colour TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.....

It read:

"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away.. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

Cleaning Lady

2009-08-02T19:26:00.000+08:00

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in the 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello"

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

Value

2009-07-27T16:08:00.000+08:00

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $500 note. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $500 note?"

Hands started going up. He said "I am going to give This note to one of you, but first let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the note up. He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air. "Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" Still, the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $500. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. You are special, don't forget it! Never let yesterday's disappointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams."

"VALUE HAS A VALUE ONLY IF IT'S VALUE IS VALUED BY YOU"

Eagles

2009-07-27T15:42:00.000+08:00

Eagles are the most long-lived bird in the world. By the time they reach 40 years old, their claws will start to age, losing their effectiveness and making it hard for them to catch preys. The life span of an eagle is up to 70 years old.

But, in order to live this long, it must make the toughest decision at 40. At 40, it's beak is too long and curvy that it reaches it's chest. It's wings, full of long, thickened feathers, are too heavy for easy flying. The eagle is left with 2 choices - do nothing and await it's death or go through a painful period of transformation and renewal.

For 150 days, it first trains itself to fly beyond the high mountains, build and live in it's nest and cease all flying activities. It then begins to knock it's beak against granite rocks till the beak is completely removed.

When the new beak is grown, the eagle will use it to remove all it's old claws and await quietly for new ones to be fully grown. When the new claws are fully grown, the eagle will use them to remove all it's feathers, one by one. Five months later, when it's feathers are fully grown, it will soar in the sky again with renewed strength and is able to live for the next 30 years.

In life, we have to make difficult decisions so as to make room for changes. Changes bring about renewal. And the only way for us to soar again, is to let go old ways, old habits and old lives.

For as long as we are prepared to put aside our old baggage - past glory or shame, past success or failure - be willing to become zero, with an empty cup mentality, we will be able to discover our potential and head towards a renewed perspective in any aspect of our lives.

Rich and Poor People

2009-07-27T15:21:00.000+08:00

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"Did you see how the poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered:

"I saw the we have one dog and they had four."

"We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end."

"We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night."

"Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon."

"We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight."

"We have servants who serves us, but they serve others."

"We buy our food, but they grow theirs."

"We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Advice from Bill Gates

2009-07-27T14:51:00.000+08:00

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this!

To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice:

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world don't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath you dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So, before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try de-lousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11. Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Kindnes pays!

2009-07-27T14:11:00.000+08:00

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one dime left, he was hungry.

He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal, he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry, so she brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"

You don't owe me anything," she replied "Mother has taught us never to accept payment for a kindness." He said....."Then I thank you from my heart"

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Years later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly (gynecology) was called in for consultation.

When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.

Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown, he went in to see her. He recognised her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day, he gave special attention to the case.

After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it and then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room.

She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally, she looked, and something caught her attention on the side as she read those words......

"Paid in full with one glass of milk" (Signed) Dr. Howard Atmond Kelly.

One day at a time

2009-07-27T13:31:00.000+08:00

The most useless thing to do ......... Worry

The greatest joy ..................... Giving

The greatest loss .................... Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work ............. Helping others

The ugliest personality trait ........ Selfishness

The most endangered species .......... Dedicated leaders

The greatest "shot in the arm" ....... Encouragement

The greatest problem to overcome ..... Fear

Most effective sleeping pill ......... Peace of mind

The most crippling failure disease ... Excuses

The most powerful force in life ...... Love

The most dangerous pariah ............ A gossiper

The world's most incredible computer . The brain!

The worst thing to be without ........ Hope

The deadliest weapon ................. The tongue

The two most power-filled words ...... I can

The greatest asset ................... Faith

The most worthless emotion ........... Self-pity

The most prized possession ........... Integrity

The most beautiful attire ............ A SMILE

The most powerful channel of communication ..Prayer

The most contagious spirit ............ Enthusiasm

LOVE

2009-07-27T13:02:00.000+08:00

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 Old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognise them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.

"No" she replied. "He's out."

"Then we cannot come in", they replied.

In the evening, when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.

"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"

The woman went out and invited the men in"

"We do not go into a House together" they replied

"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained. "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home"

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"

His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"

Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"

"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife.

"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."

Love got up and started walking towards the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!!

Management

2009-07-27T12:33:00.000+08:00

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in Information Technology." said the balloonist.

"I am" replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well'" said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people, beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Taxi Driver

2009-07-27T11:43:00.000+08:00

I arrived at the address where someone had requested a taxi. I honked but no one came out. I honked again, nothing. So I walked to the door and knocked. "Just a minute", answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knick knacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she asked. I took the suitcase to the cab, and then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly towards the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. "It's nothing", I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated". "Oh, you're such a good boy", she replied. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?"

"It's not the shortest way" I answered quickly. "Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry, I'am on my way to a hospice".

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. "I don't have any family left" she continued, "The doctor says, I don't have very long." I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

"What route would you like me to take?" I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighbourhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now"

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitious and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse. "Nothing" I said.

"You have to make a living" she answered.

"There are other passengers" I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

"You gave an old woman a little moment of joy" she said. "Thank you".

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passenger that shift, I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware - beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

Tea cups

2009-07-26T20:49:00.000+08:00

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired.

During their visit, the conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests tea, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of tea and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the tea.

When all the alumni had a cup of tea in hand, the professor said "Notice that all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it's normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the tea. In most cases, it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really want was tea, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups.... and then you began eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this: Life is the tea; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life. The type of cup one has does not define, nor change the quality of life a person lives. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the tea."

The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly...... and enjoy your tea.

Good and Evil

2009-07-26T20:03:00.000+08:00

A woman baked chappatis for members of her family and an extra one for a hungry passerby. She kept the extra chappati on the window-sill, for whosoever would take it away. Everyday, a hunchback came and took away the chappati. Instead of expressing gratitude, he muttered the following words as he went his way. "The evil you do, remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!" This went on, day after day. Everyday, the hunchback came, picked up the chappati and uttered the same words.

The woman felt irritated. "Not a word of gratitude" she said to herself. "Everday this hunchback utters this jingle! What does he mean?"

One day, exasperated, she decided to do away with him. "I shall get rid of this hunchback" she said. And what did she do? She added poison to the chappati she prepared for him! As she was about to put it on the window sill, her hands trembled. "What is this I am doing?" she asked. Immediately she threw the chappati into the fire, prepared another one and kept it on the window-sill. As usual the hunchback came, picked up the chappati and muttered the words; "The evil you do, remains with you; the good you do, comes back to you!" The hunchback proceeded on his way, blissfully unaware of the war ragging in the mind of the woman.

Everyday, as the woman placed the chappati on the window-sill, she offered a prayer for her son who had gone to a distant place to seek his fortune. For many months, she had no news of him. She prayed for her safe return.

That evening, there was a knock on the door. As she opened it, she was surprised to find her son standing in the doorway. He had grown thin and lean. His garments were tattered and torn. He was hungry, starved and weak. As he saw his mother, he said, "Mom, it's a miracle I'm here. While I was a mile away, I was so famished that I collapsed. I would have died, but just then an old hunchback passed by. I begged him for a morsel of food, and he was kind enough to give me a whole chappati. As he gave it to me, he said "This is what I eat everyday, today, I shall give it to you, for your need is greater than mine!"

As the mother heard those words, her face turned pale. She leaned against the door for support. She remembered the poisoned chappati that she had made that morning. Had she not burnt it in the fire, it would have been eaten by her own son, and he would have lost his life! It was then that she realized the significance of the words. "The evil you do, remains with you: the good you do, comes back to you!"

The Donkey

2009-07-26T19:44:00.000+08:00

One day, a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kind of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.